Don’t compare yourself to anyone else

Even after you’ve worked your tail off to prepare as best you can to make a living in singing, there are so many factors out of your control that can sidetrack and derail you, despite your best efforts. Some of them take longer to overcome than others.

 Some are related to whatever abilities you have or don’t have. Still others center around your deficiencies, strengths and weaknesses.

I would suggest however, that the single greatest stumbling block for musicians (really everyone) is that we constantly compare ourselves to others.

As discussed in an earlier post, your idea of success is and should be different than anyone else’s. Why then would you even attempt to compare yourself to anyone else? Some of the reasons are easy to identify.

• To attempt to build ourselves up by tearing others down.

• Because we are experts at focusing on what we cannot do or feel, we are horrible at noticing what we CAN do.

• Because we are jealous of other’s success.

• Because we feel somehow wronged, or feel that others have unfairly found success.

• Because we feel we are “better than others” on a moral or ethical level.

None of these reasons are valid, good, or productive, and can often turn you in to the kind of musician that makes themselves and everyone else, miserable.

How do you avoid it? It feels almost impossible at times.

One of the things I love to ask my students in their first lesson with me is: “What are your weaknesses as a singer?” Almost all of them immediately rattle off a laundry list of things that they can’t do or that frustrate them. They don’t even think about it. Sometimes they say “I know there are more, I just can’t think of them right now.”

My next question is always: “What do you do well?” Silence.

Very few students can even begin to articulate anything they feel they do well. Some tentatively suggest “I do ok with languages,” or “My intonation is decent.” but I rarely get a definitive, “I have a beautiful color,” or “I have good breath control.” Just because we have not perfected something doesn’t mean that it is a weakness.

I firmly believe that all singers have a set of “vocal superpowers,” things they do better or could potentially do better than anyone else. We often don’t ever discover these vocal abilities though, because of our preoccupation with the things we don’t have.

Do we need to work on those weaknesses, yes! Should we focus on them so intently that even the things we do well, or are beginning to do well suffer, NO!

How can one even begin to compare voices? We are dealing with an instrument that nobody can see, that only that individual knows how to play, with a signature sound unlike any other in the world. It’s laughable!

What are we comparing? Someone’s ability to sing excellent coloratura? Effortless high notes? Long phrases for days? Fine, yes! Listen to those vocal role models and emulate vocal attibutes, but take the concept or the ability demonstrated and incorporate it in to YOUR instrument. Don’t try to mimic what they are doing. You’ll only make yourself frustrated and annoyed.

In terms of career opportunities, many singers compare themselves because they have no idea how to market themselves. They don’t know what they are good at and are auditioning for the wrong things or just for every single thing no matter what it is. They have taken another artist who they wish to emulate and tried to follow not only the technique of that singer, but choice of roles and career track. Don’t do it!

Do you love Cecilia Bartoli? Do you wish you had her voice? You don’t. You have your voice.
Stop trying to be Cecilia. Celebrate what you love about your favorite her. Borrow ideas from her. Read her resume and rep list for ideas, but don’t try to be a carbon copy. What’s the point? Why study if you’re just trying to imitate someone verbatim? If that’s the goal, just spend all day singing along with their recordings. Oh wait, you do that already? Stop!

My advice?

• Try to discover your vocal super powers.
• Remember that you are unique as a person and as a musician.  Comparing yourself to others, ability for ability will always result some form of unrealistic expectation. 
• Observe technical and artistic elements in the performances of others but don’t try to copy them verbatim
• Be original, decide what you want to be known for. 
• Figure out what brings you the most joy and satisfaction as a musician.  When you find that, focus on it, and work to develop it, things will start to happen.  
• Don’t be an impersonator, be an innovator
• There will always be someone “better” than you, embrace it, thrive on it, and use it. 

Figure out what you are especially good at or where your potential lies.  What interests you most about other voices?  What do you want to learn how to do?  What do you want to be known for?

Ask your teachers and coaches if you haven’t already. We spend a lot of time talking about what’s broken in lessons because we have such a short time each week. Spend some time outside of lessons figuring out what IS working well, and what you can continue to strengthen and highlight.

Stop trying to compare your voice and career to others. Remind yourself of your idea of success. If you feel you could learn a lot from a certain singer who has a similar voice type and sings your rep, contact them! Ask for a lesson, or watch them teach! You’ll be surprised at how many professionals will make time for you. This business is insanely difficult but many are willing to help.   It’s ok to hone in on specific technical concepts heard in someone’s voice, but to try and duplicate them exactly in your instrument is like trying to force yourself into someone else’s custom-tailored clothing.  Sometimes you get lucky and the fit is close.  Other times, there’s not way it’s going to happen and that’s normal.

Above all, trust your product, trust yourself, and have confidence in what and who you are as a singer and as a person. YOU have something to offer, YOU have something to give, and it is unlike anything else out there.