There is always a way to do what you want to do

This is the second of the Suggestions for Success list mentioned in the last post.

While I was in the last year of my undergraduate degree in vocal performance at University of Utah, I met my future wife. 

We met in a choir class, I know, that’s about as cheesy as it gets. I finally wore her down and in in true singer geek fairy-tale fashion, we were married!  I’m still waiting for the day when she wakes up and realizes what a terrible mistake she made.

 I stayed at the University of Utah to do my Master’s degree while she finished her undergraduate degree, both of us majoring in vocal performance.  Everyone said: “why would you marry a singer? You guys will never make it.”
After we prepared to finish our degrees, we both began to apply for Graduate programs, I for a Doctorate and she for a master’s degree. Everyone said to us: “there’s no way both of you will get into the same school and if you do, you won’t’ get any scholarship money.”  They were wrong. Then they said, “Well if you do happen to get in, they won’t give you both scholarship money.” They were wrong again on all counts.

We accepted an offer at Florida State University, both of us on scholarship, and received world-class training on which we draw on a daily basis.

At this point, we had a life-changing surprise. As we were auditioning for all kinds of places and pondering a move to Chicago, New York, or another major music hub, we found out Valerie was pregnant.

We were asked everything from, “Were you trying to have kids?” to “you do know how babies are made, right?”  Hilarious…The answer was always the same.  “First of all, none of your business and second of all, this was a COMPLETE surprise and that’s why there is a .01% failure rate listed on birth control medication packaging.”  Everyone said: “there’s no way you’ll finish your degrees with a kid and if you do, you won’t be able to sing professionally.  Having kids is the kiss of death in this profession.” Ouch, ok, that stings but we kept going…you’re probably beginning to see the pattern here.

We started to take more and more auditions and at the conclusion of our time at Florida State University (and at the insistence of the Grandmas and Grandpas back home) we moved back to Utah.  Everyone said: “that’s it, you’re done, you’ll never leave Utah again and you won’t perform professionally anymore.” Yet again, they were all wrong.

I was fortunate to get a job teaching as an adjunct instructor at the University of Utah and also took an interim full-time position at another excellent school, Utah State University.  We were told that once I started teaching full-time, performing was over and that “those who can’t do, teach.”  False!

I began to invest in a version of the profession that everyone had warned me wasn’t possible and would completely frustrate me to the point that I’d just give up.  They were almost right.  The hybrid singer-teacher career is, in my opinion, nearly impossible to balance, but that’s the key word NEARLY. Every year is a little different.  Some years there’s a lot more performing and some years a lot more teaching. Each year comes with its own challenges and triumphs.

15 years of marriage, 3 kids and a dog, 5 degrees between us and 15 years of performing and teaching later, all the nay-sayers were wrong.  So why did they all keep telling us at every step of the process that what we were trying to do was impossible and that it wouldn’t work?  Because it did not and would not have worked for them. But it was OUR version of success, one specific to us.  A customized version.  Every step along the way, someone told us what we wanted to do was impossible, partially because they had not done it or would never want to do it, or honestly didn’t see a way that it was even possible. 

Have any of you tried to wear a custom tailored suit or gown that was made for someone else?  Spoiler alert, it doesn’t fit, ever.  Sometimes it’s close and with minor alterations you can make it work, sometimes there is no way they will ever fit and you have to start from scratch. 

Each voice is unique, completely different. No two voices sound the same. So if that’s the case, why does everyone’s version of success have to include strict guidelines, limits, and restrictions.  There is not pre-determined road map for this profession, only guidelines and checkpoints.  If you want to do it, there is a way to do it. 

I have friends and acquaintances in the business who are also in rock bands and sing both styles regularly. I know others who have a full-time job in a completely different field and get time off to go do opera productions or somehow do it at the same time without taking time off. Some work in the armed services and still sing every day. Others have huge families and some love the single life, but there is always a way to make your version of success happen.

Will it almost always be difficult? Yes. Will there be times when you have no idea what to do or how to do it, and others around you have no clue either? Yep. Will you be frustrated, depressed, angry and completely ready to give up on a regular basis? You bet. 

However, when you start to find your way forward in a way that is specific to you and nobody else, you start to feel that equilibrium and balance take effect.  You begin to enjoy the journey so much more. You also start to find ways to sing and make music on your terms and in the ways most rewarding to you, but it takes time.  Remind yourself constantly of your idea of success and what you want to accomplish.  Re-evaluate regularly, stay focused on your goal and don’t be distracted by others and their plan and things will eventually start to happen. 

Ok singers, how have you achieved your version of success?

What do you wish you could tell the 18-year-old version of yourself?

What has been the most frustrating piece of the puzzle to figure out thus far?